The main thing I try to do in helping lost souls is to help them find
themselves. The first step in recovery is to know yourself and love yourself.
Every addict I know has a low self esteem. Many are running away from themselves.
They look inside and no one is home or they see some kind of monster in there.
Many times I would be at the kitchen table and 3 or more people would be
getting high on crack, weed and beer.
I would sit there clean and sober (Well clean and almost sober) and watch the
changes. I would see a kid walking around with a contact high.
The conversation would go from a fun game of spades and small talk, to bull
shit and finally to arguing. The next day I would be the only one to remember
what really happened.
The guy I physically threw out of the house would not remember why his butt was
soar. The girl friend would wonder why I had a black eye and a scratched up
chest.
Her son would say, "You beat the shit out of him."
I was not an innocent bystander. I was addicted to an addict. I was the one
that would go buy the crack to keep her safe.
A white dude that used to live down the street moved to the suburbs. He would
not let my lady know his address because he did not want his neighbors know he
had black "friends”. He would come to the house and want 4 nickel
rocks. He was afraid to buy it so he would ask me to buy for him. (Let the
crazy old white man do it)
I said, "Fine but I want an extra nickel for my lady."
I would go to the dealer and give him the money for five nickels. He would give
me 4 small nickels and 2 big nickels for the lady.
I would give him his 4 and when he would ask to do it in our place I would say
no and send him away. My lady would ask why. I said if you are too black to
visit him he is too white to visit you. Besides if you look at your rocks you
will realize I am ripping him off.
When I realized I was headed to prison for selling drugs I split. Today she is
no longer drinking or using drugs thanks to 2 strokes.
When she had her stroke she finally started listening to me. Now she loves
herself and she knows herself. She still lives in the same neighborhood but the
addicts no longer come around except those in the family but they keep the
drugs out of her house.
Now I am spending my time helping people find themselves and realizing that
they loved.
Everyone I know who has found themselves and who loves themselves has not even
thought about going back to drugs and alcohol.
I see a lot of good people in this group. People who are on there way to
recovery and those who have years of being clean and sober. Look into your
heart and see that beautiful person in there and know that you are a good
person. Love what you see.
If you start to think about falling think about that person in your heart. Show
your love for that person and replace the urge with a pop. Always remember that
you are the most important person in your life because without you there would
be no you.
Thank you for being you and to all of you I love you.
I also love me.
Lee